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I read more of "Joy's Way" this morning, finding out the
actual impetus for his journey. Different than mine, but
some parallels are there. Folllowing an inner voice without
knowing the exact destination... After reading for a while,
I had an urge to interact with my teachers and meditate.
The teaching had to do with a similar dynamic that occurred
recently in Cuba and again in San Salvador. In Havana,
my buddy introduced me to his niece. 28 years old, very
pretty, friendly and sexy! And it didn't take long for
her to let me know that she was attracted to me! In spite
of all this, there was a tiny little voice inside my head
that said "No!" No to what, I'm not sure. No, she's not
"The One"? No, don't get involved?? I got involved. There
was chemistry between us but we did not get intimate.
At least for the time being.
I left Havana
to travel with my buddy. In a very small town, the home
of my buddies' father, I met another sweetheart. A big
voice inside my head said "Yes!" I was overwhelmingly
attracted to this girl. We were in a disco with loud music
but we managed to communicate a little. But mostly we
danced. At the end of the night she was leaving with her
friends and I asked for her phone number. She wrote down
her address and asked her friend how to say and write
"I Love You" in English. What she wrote wasn't even close,
but I got the message!
The next
day on my way out of town I saw her waiting for a bus.
I was very excited to see her but the ethusiasm did not
seem to be returned. We chatted for a moment, then as
we parted, I said, "I have your number." She replied,
"And I have yours." It left me with some hope. When I
arrived back in Havana, I planned to call her and arrange
another visit, but I realized there was no phone number
on the card! Only an address and 'I Love You!' Did she
not have a phone or had she forgotten in her attempt at
her message in English? It was a long way back without
a call for confirmation. What to do? Meanwhile, I reconnected
with the niece in Havana and had a great time! But in
the back of my mind, I wanted to find my way back to the
other. Time and money were running out and I stayed with
what was convenient. In San Salvador the same thing happened
with a different cast of characters. I chose ease and
convenience over what I really wanted. And I used other
people's feelings as an excuse not to follow my instinct
and go after what I wanted. That certainly was a lot of
words to describe a rather instantaneous experience. But
hold on, there's more to come in a different area of my
life...
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