Kenny is my pet 200lb. "miniature" pot belly pig. He was given to me as a gift. You're probably wondering, who would want such a gift? That's a very good question, particularly right now since I must arrange for his care while I'm away.

Let me start from the beginning. The summer before last I had a girlfriend who shall remain nameless but not shameless. The girlfriend, her dog Pandora, and her two kids (humans), were all living with me when Father's Day arrived. Being a good part-time stepdad, I got a baby pot-belly pig for Father's Day. I was wondering, who would want such a gift?

Kenny was the size of a small cat, all black and cute as a button. He was fairly easy to potty train and we all lived in a fairly nice state of harmony for a fairly short time.

Kenny's personality and sexuality developed very early. He was not a very discriminating little pig. He would have his way with just about anything , animate or inanimate. He really liked an old dining room chair we had in the back yard. He and Pandora became more than just friends. Pandora tolerated Kenny's advances. She seemed to like the attention but certainly did not get the same fulfillment that he did.

We were not able to tolerate the smell Kenny left with Pandora. It was ghastly. I had to take Kenny to the vet. A caring friend got me a T-shirt to commemorate the event. (see photo, thanks Lou!)

Fast-forward. The girlfriend moved to Texas to become the ex-girlfriend. She took Pandora but not the pig (it's easier for me to depersonalize him now by calling him 'the pig'). I didn't want to keep him initially and considered Easter Sunday brunch or the Humane Society. Neither option seemed humane and I decided I liked him enough to deal with his maintenance.

Fast-forward to the present time. The miniature pig is now the monster pig. The Ex is recently married and living in South Texas (I'm sure my invitation got lost in the mail!). I'll be driving through South Texas to get my border crossing. AHA! I can kill three birds with one stone:

1) Kenny gets re-united with Pandora, his first and only love.
2) My pet care hassle is history.
3) The Ex and the new guy get the perfect surprise wedding gift!

I know what he will be wondering.